Step Three Choose a Family
One of the most fulfilling parts of the adoption process is choosing an adoptive family for your baby. Choosing the right family always starts with asking yourself what’s important to you in a family. This will help you pick a family that best reflects your own wants and dreams for your baby.
How to Choose a Family
To decide which family is the best match for your baby, consider these questions:
To decide which family is the best match for your baby, consider these questions:
- Are you open to a single parent, or do you prefer a two-parent household?
- Are you open to a gay, lesbian, and/or transgender couple?
- Do you prefer a family in a specific location?
- What kind of family values and views on parenting are you looking for in a family?
- Is the family’s religion or spiritual beliefs important to you?
- Do you prefer a family that already has children or plans to have/adopt more?
- What hobbies and interests do you want the family to have?
- Does it matter to you whether one or both parents work outside the home?
Communicating with the adoptive family
Once you’ve chosen an adoptive family, your adoption service provider can help facilitate your communication with them. When you’re communicating with a family, be as open with them as you’re comfortable with. A good starting point is to talk with the family about what level of openness you’re all comfortable with before, during, and after the adoption.
Open communication is the basis for a healthy adoption journey. Below are some questions for you to consider at different points of the adoption process. Your answers to these questions are important to share and discuss with your adoptive family to keep the lines of communication open and to keep everyone on the same page. If you don’t know the answers to any of these questions or are uncomfortable discussing any of them with your adoptive family, talk with your adoption service provider, social worker, or attorney.
During Your Pregnancy
- What forms of communication work best for everyone? Would you prefer to talk in person, on the phone, or via text, email, or social media?
- How often do you want to communicate with the family?
- Are you comfortable with any of the adoptive family members coming with you to your doctor’s appointments?
- Will you be sending the family updates about the growth and progress of your baby? How about ultrasound pictures?
During and After Delivery
- How will the adoptive family be notified when you go into labor?
- Are you comfortable with any members of the adoptive family being in the room with you when you deliver your baby?
- How much time would you like to spend with your baby in the hospital after he or she is born?
After the Adoption
- How often would you like the adoptive family to send you updates? What would you expect these updates to include?
- Would you like to have in-person visits? If so, how often?
- Would you like to give the adoptive family a picture of yourself and/or the birthfather, a letter, a video recording, or something else for them to share with your baby in the future?
- Would you consider providing the adoptive family with your and the birthfather’s medical history? This will help during your baby’s future doctor’s appointments.
