There were many different reasons why I chose adoption. Growing up I had always made a promise to myself that my kids would grow up with two loving parents in the same household, where they wouldn't have to worry about their home life and getting everything they needed. Being pregnant unexpectedly at 20, being in the military, not being married, and not planning to be married took a toll on that promise.
At first I was against the idea of adoption for me. I figured it was my responsibility and I had been irresponsible in getting to this point. My mom mentioned that maybe I should look into it just because she knew me living on my own in the career field I'm in with a child would be very overwhelming for me. So reluctantly I looked at adoption online. This was very emotional looking at families imagining my child living with strangers. I found an agency and reached out to them. They responded and were ready to help me. They asked me exactly what kind of family I was looking for. I still was very unsure about the whole thing, but they did not push me in any way.
The agency’s website is set up really well, because you can search for the specific type of family and read all about them. They also provide pictures. It was kind of amazing how it all happened because one day I saw this family and just knew that's who I wanted. I immediately contacted who I had been talking to through the company and they put me in contact with the family very quickly. Before I knew it, I was having a phone conversation with the now adoptive mother and father. At this time, I still wasn't committed to adoption and I had been in a horrible place of not knowing what to do. But as soon as I got off the phone, for the first time in a long time I felt like everything would be ok.
Getting to know the family before the baby was born was really great. They came down to see me a few times and I met the family. They already had two children, so it was really nice to see how they interacted with their kids. I fell in love with their family and saw what amazing parents they were. They never pressured me either and knew how hard this was for me. I felt like this is what I had to do. I felt like this baby was going to have the best life, but only if I made that happen.
With my decision on adoption it was hard sometimes. Especially when you’re walking around and people are asking you things about your baby like, "What are you going to name him?" or "Have you had a baby shower?" Of course I wasn't going to explain my situation to everyone, so you just have to go with it sometimes and that is never fun. But these people don't know your life and they don't need to. The people who know are the ones you want to know.
Giving birth was an amazing process, nothing like I had ever experienced. As soon as I saw my baby's face I was so in love with him. I was so overjoyed and couldn't believe that this little life had been in my stomach all this time. It was a very emotional time and I was grateful that I got to spend some time alone with him. When the adoptive parents got to the hospital, it was amazing to see the look on their faces. I was sad because I knew I had to do this, but happy because they were so overjoyed by him and the new member of their family. The next day I signed the papers. It was harsh, it was clear, and the whole time they made sure I was ok.
I am still in contact with the family and receiving pictures of him. The family is amazing because they are very open to making me feel like I can still be a part of his life in some way. I am not going to say this was easy. I still get sad sometimes, but I know how good his life is and knowing that I could keep that promise to him, maybe not in the way I pictured, makes me feel like I did something right for him. There is never a right answer for what to do. Sometimes you just know what you have to do even if it’s the hardest thing in the world. I believe in everything happening for a reason, and I believe that my child was always meant to be their son. I do hope in the future that maybe he will want to have some kind of relationship with me, or if not I understand, that is his right. Love is a powerful thing and I am thankful I was led to the family I chose. No one is ever alone, and there's never just one option.
* Birthmother has chosen to remain anonymous.